A New Day
Things are changing for me, rapidly, in terms of my physical abilities and my medical status. I am going, in October for a right shoulder replacement; something that is terrifying to me as I’ve heard it’s worse than even the hip replacement surgeries and recovery were.
As soon as I’ve recovered a bit from that , but hopefully before the end of the year, I will be having elbow surgery on the other arm… I NEED a replacement there, but due to my “young” age, have to wait…He didn’t say for how long! This sucka HURTS!
THEN, the other shoulder needs to be redone as well.
And THEN maybe we can focus a bit on the knees.
Or not.
Maybe we can just say, “enough is enough” and I’ll live as long as I can manage at home, until it becomes even more apparent that it’s time for an assisted living facility. YIKES. I know that that time is rapidly approaching. If it were possible to say, ‘Well, once I get these surgeries out of the way, I’ll be doing much better,” then it would be silly to do that. But realistically speaking, my spine is disintegrating much too quickly for that to happen. And that cannot be repaired or replaced. So what, really, is the point of enduring these surgeries? What is the point of jeapordizing my mental status by risking the post surgical confusion and psychosis that occur now follwoing each experience of anesthesia?
I’m going through some major emotional transitioning as I am beginning to realize, for the first time really, that “This is no joke. And it’s not going to go away”. Honestly, I’m still quite a ways away from that recognition or rather ACCEPTING that…because really, how can something like this happen to someone who is only 19? (Ok…almost 49, but it FEELS like I still must be a young and strong adult.) My thirties were great years. How can it be that ten short years later, I’m ready to be thinking of nursing homes? It just CAN”T be, that’ s why. This is still a bad dream and i will wake up.
But I have a feeling that that “waking up” won’t occur til Heaven. More and more, my heart and mind are fixed there. it truly is my only hope.
September 13, 2011 at 12:48 PM
my heart goes out to you during all of your struggles. i’m sorry i don’t believe in jesus, but i do believe in god and that there is a reason for everything. i am truly glad you can find comfort in your spirituality.
just read your last comment about it being only structural damage. oy. i just moved to a new apartment. there was extensive water damage here in the past. so bad that the ceiling caved in. the leak is back now that we have moved in. hoping it doesnt get too bad. our neighbors informed us there is also black mold in the walls because of it.
anyways. hope your new medicine works out for you. going with a bit of cautious optimism for ya. i have a soft spot for all schizophrenics and people with pain that does not show on the surface. *hugs*
September 16, 2011 at 4:53 AM
Thank you “Shiny”- I’m plugging along. My surgery will likely be in October.
We are still being held up by the insurance company, waiting for final approval so we can move ahead with repairs. So many people have filed claims from the flooding the company is all backed up in getting approvals out. Hopefully very soon.
Yes, because I have severe asthma, the mold was a great concern. We got it all dried out professionally and treated with antimicrobial chemicals to prevent any mold from growing…They even tore out the sheet rock and the insulation, to make sure it was ALL dry. It’s a huge mess downstairs…and all of our belongings are stacked in the garage. I can’ t wait to get the whole mess done with.
HUGS back!
C